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Five Quick Tips for the Successful Raising of Teens and Tweens
By Dr. John Duffy,
Author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens
Parents often ask me why their parenting seems less effective with their teens and tweens than it did when their children were younger. In the same breath, they also want to know why they feel so disconnected with their children. The good news is that parents have more control over these factors than they think. Here are a few quick tips that will help:
1. Save Your Breath: Lectures Never Work
The lecture doesn't work because it is a closed form of communication. There is no back-and-forth to it. I recommend instead open discussions, outside the drama and high anxiety of crises. Instead, try this: "Listen, I've noticed lately that your grades have been slipping, and I'm really concerned. What's going on? How can I help?"
2. Be an Emotional Role Model
Often, taking care of your teen means taking care of yourself first. As a parent, you need to know and understand your own emotional life well in order to model emotional management for your teenager. Just telling your teenager to "get himself under control" does not suffice. You need to exhibit and model self-control and emotional self-awareness.
3. Be Careful About Judgments
If we have a negative vibe about a friend or potential boyfriend or girlfriend, we need to make our feelings known. We need to do it in the context of an open conversation. Sit him down and ask about his new friends in a nonjudgmental way. Let him know your concerns. Stay away from judging phrases. And don't mandate that he stop seeing certain people. Perhaps toughest of all, be prepared to be wrong.
4. Laugh it Up, Wise Guy!
Laughter also contributes greatly to the richness of your relationship with your child. If you can laugh with your child during the smooth times, your relationship will be all the more resilient during the rough times. Laugh during the rough times -- you'll find connections and solutions come so much easier. Laughter brightens even the darkest of days.
5. Protect Time
When you're with your child, turn off the Blackberry. Don't answer the iPhone. The mail can wait. Make eye contact with your child, not the little screen. Let your child know that spending time with him, right now, is the most important thing. Not because you want it to appear that way, but because it truly is that way.
© 2011 John Duffy, author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens
Author Bio
Dr. John Duffy, author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens, is a highly sought-after clinical psychologist, certified life coach, parenting expert, and proud parent. He has been working with teens, tweens, and their families for more than fifteen years. He has provided the critical intervention and support needed to help hundreds of families find their footing.
He has served as a contributing parent expert for a number of media outlets. These include AOL Health, AOL Parent Dish, Notre Dame magazine, Root & Sprout, bettyconfidential.com, makeitbetter.net, examiner.com, theteendoc.com, Chicago Parent, sheknows.com, Psych Central, Current Health Teens, The Oakland Tribune, and Working Mother Magazine. He has also served as a parenting and relationship expert on a number of radio programs, including the nationally-syndicated Mr. Dad program with best-selling author Armin Brott, and The Lite Show on WNTD in Chicago. Dr. Duffy has also contributed to a number of books, including Living Life as a Thank You (Viva Editions) by Mary Beth Sammons and Nina Lesowitz.
For more information please visit http://www.drjohnduffy.com/ and Amazon, and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter
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